Mama May I

Brothers

2009-11-06T08:48:00.005-07:00

Finally, I was able to snap some beautiful pics of Sullivan & Theo together. These were taken this week in our hotel room in San Antonio. Now that Sully is smiling, making noises and kicking, Theo is starting to really warm up to him. It's been a slow process, one that Eric and I have never pushed, figuring that in his own time and way he'd fall in love with Sullivan. I've been patiently waiting to capture pictures of my little loves like this, totally raw and in love on Theo's terms. A bond is forming, and it's simply adorable.

As for our SA trip, more to come....

Happy Halloween

2009-10-31T21:02:00.007-07:00

"I llooovvee candy" was the first thing Theo said to me this morning. He's been anxiously waiting for today to arrive. He picked his costume all by himself; a scary, but friendly dinosaur. Adorable. This was his first time going trick or treating. He looked like such a big kid, walking down the sidewalk with his Thomas the Train bucket. Sullivan slept through our courtyard potluck and all the festivities. Next year! And before then, I promise to adjust the red eye feature on my camera....at least we all look spooky!

Happy Halloween!

12 Weeks

2009-10-29T08:38:00.002-07:00

Our little chicken is already 3 months old! And let me tell you, he's the sweetest little Sullybean on earth. I'm totally freaked by how fast he's growing and how quickly time is moving. If I could pause our life right now, I'd do it in a second. This phase is so calm and sweet. His little giggles make my eyes tear up, the happiness I feel is more than I ever could've imagined all those days with him growing in my swelling belly, wondering if the love would be as big as it is for Theo. When he smiles, he looks just like Theo. All other times, I see a bit of me. The thing that gets me most is his love and admiration for Theo. Every morning, I lay him on a blanket in the living room next to Theo. He rolls over to see him clearly and then stretches his arms and legs, blowing bubbles and cooing like crazy with excitement. Quite possible the sweetest thing ever! I never knew I could be so in love.

Platte Valley Trolley

2009-10-24T20:52:00.004-07:00

If you live in our city, I highly recommend taking a ride on the Platte Valley Trolley. Great views of the city, and just plain good family fun! Hurry though, next weekend is the last weekend it runs until April.

A week in Northern California...

2009-10-21T09:18:00.009-07:00

Los Altos, Santa Rosa and Penngrove. So sad to leave...

That's how I always feel once we've arrived back home from our Northern California trips. I love the wine country and could easily, happily live there. And having dear friends and family there often times leaves Eric and I wondering if we should, in fact, be rooting down in those rolling, grape growing hills. There's no doubt, when we're ready to switch gears again, that's exactly where we'll be going.

But for now, we're happily back home in Colorado, the Rockies already snow capped and grand. Today the snow is gently falling outside and each time I walk past a window I stop and realize that it's really quite beautiful. Everything. And this is exactly where we should be.

Our Weekend In Photos

2009-10-11T16:58:00.004-07:00

Finishing up our garden bed.....Theo's first cup of hot chocolate....Sullivan started sucking his thumb....lots of art time....lots of snuggle time & comfort food....heading to California, wishing a wonderful week to all.....

Pumpkin Bread

2009-10-09T07:58:00.006-07:00

Well, yesterday was our first snow and this morning it's a mere 23 degrees with a blanket of frost meeting a wall of fog outside.

The days of hoody's, hats and down sweaters have arrived! Sullivan is madly protesting. He doesn't like his new hat at all or icy cold hands all the time. The only way to his heart right now is by being dressed in a warm fleecy outfit and tightly tucked in his chair by the fireplace or resting snugly on a warm, heart-beating chest. If you ask me, he's got it right!

Fall brings us back inside, baking loaves of bread and cooking endless pots of soup. Long periods of warm snuggling have replaced barely clothed bodies playing in the sand. Sweet warm air and the din of little breathy chests, rising and falling fills the house. The sun is being turned out on the Play Doh table in a rainbow of colors. And finally, some time for me to tackle house projects I've been wanting to do for months. Sullivan's room is getting a tree on the wall. The art I've been wanting is getting ordered. Theo's room is getting a collage wall. I'm beginning the hunt for our dining room light fixture. Eric and Theo are putting the final touches on our garden beds this afternoon. Any day, a box of bulbs will arrive. No longer a big belly in the way, I can't wait to get back in the dirt, planting a row of assorted peonies and the peony-tulip hybrids that I'm most excited about. A new nesting begins!

So this pumpkin bread~I've been baking it for years. I stopped using the recipe a few years ago now, knowing it's flavors and texture so well. It's my absolute favorite. The original recipe is from an old Food & Wine, and it was this recipe that I concocted my banana bread from. Today, I'm going to try to turn it into a apple spice loaf. I'll let you know how it turns out!

Pumpkin Bread

1 1/2 c. all-purpose flour

1 1/2 tsp. cinnamon

1 tsp. baking soda

1 tsp. salt

1 tbsp. pumpkin pie spice

1/4 tsp. baking powder

6 tbsp. unsalted butter, softened

1 1/2 c. brown sugar

2 large eggs

1 1/2 c. fresh or canned pumpkin

1 tsp. vanilla extract

1/3 c. milk

raw sugar for dusting

Preheat oven to 35o. Butter a 9x5" loaf pan. In a bowl, sift together first six ingredients. Set aside. In a large bowl, beat butter until creamy. Gradually add brown sugar and beat until fluffy. Add eggs, one at a time, then beat in pumpkin puree. Stir vanilla into the milk. Beat the dry ingredients in at low speed in two additions, alternating the milk mixture. Spread batter in pan and sprinkle sugar over the top. Bake for about an hour, or until a toothpick comes out clean.

Hoping all is warm and well at your house, too.

Pumpkin Harvest Festival

2009-10-04T07:11:00.004-07:00

Four Mile Historic Park, Denver

8 Weeks

2009-09-30T20:28:00.005-07:00

**pinching myself**

How is it that Sullivan is eight weeks old already?

My heart skips a beat every time I look at the pile of clothes he's already outgrown. He's wearing a few things I remember Theo wearing when he was four to five months old. This babe is thriving!

....too fast for this mama.

So so in love with him. He is just so sweet. His smile is one of a perfect prankster. A perfect Neuman! I'm pretty sure he's going to be strong-willed like Theo (uh, Eric and I, too) and just an all-around blessing to us all. Little glimmers of who he is and will be are popping up, brightening every minute of my way too tired days. All so worth it. My little Sullybean, you are so loved!

...this mama's happy.

A Day Out With Thomas

2009-09-27T10:01:00.005-07:00

Thomas the Train at the Colorado Railroad Museum

Lovin'.....

2009-09-24T09:03:00.007-07:00

This little cold snap we've been having.

Theo has given up his glasses this week for his new 'Theosauras' disguise. This morning he snuck in while Sullivan and I were sleeping and spooked us awake! I was very amused. Sully was terrified. Theo hopped in bed, sweetly taking Sullivan's face in his hands, and said "It's okay Sully. I am a friendly, scary dinosaur."

I made Theo his first batch of this seasons' Sassy Apples. I have been making these apples for him since he was ten months old and they are still his favorite! Simply peel a few apples (gala and pink lady's are my favorites), core and dice them. Place in a saucepan with about 1/3 cup of water and dash of cinnamon. Cook over medium-low heat, stirring often, until tender.

Sullivan. I can't get enough of him! His smell. That little spot between his ear and neck, so perfect for little kisses. My favorite thing to do is bring him downstairs after I put Theo down for his nap and dance him to sleep. Ollabelle radio on Pandora works like a charm every time. Then I make a cup of earl grey tea and read magazines in front of our cozy fireplace.

What's not to love this time of year?

In just two days.....

2009-09-20T07:23:00.007-07:00

....summer will be over. Sigh.

It's been a lovely weekend. Yesterday we spent most of the day at REI. Theo loves to go there (okay, Eric and I do too) and climb on the red rock in the pebble garden, walk in the stream, play in the kids play area, run in and out of the tents, ride bikes with training wheels, watch the big kids climb the rock tower and have lunch and an afternoon snack by the Platte river. We didn't have time yesterday but will be back before the end of October for a trolley ride.

A few other things we're looking forward to this Autumn:

Apple picking at Ya Ya Farm & Orchard. The Pumpkin Harvest Festival at Four Mile Historic Park. A day trip to Vail to see the aspens and all the beautiful Fall foliage and of course some Moe's BBQ (Stace~we'll miss you so). Then we'll be heading out to northern California for a long-overdue visit with family and friends. We'll be back home for Halloween festivities. Finally, we'll greet November in San Antonio for Theo's annual check-up at UT Health & Sciences Center and his first trip to Sea World.

So much to do! So fun! Hope your Autumn is, too.

Sneak Peek

2009-09-16T13:14:00.010-07:00

This week feels like we're sneaking our way into Autumn.

Theo has a new pair of glasses. The Mr. Potato Head glasses he's been wearing just weren't cutting it~and seeing as he's taken to needing to wear glasses, we had to find a pair that fit him (or something like that). He started a music class this week. They dance, sing and play instruments. He loved it, which is great because we have eleven more weeks of it. Sullivan is six weeks old today. He smiles at us. And these oh so adorable tee's~we'll thanks Lash. We love them!

I've been back in the kitchen, my sous-chef in tow. As if having to stop and get Sully for a feeding or just some cooing doesn't take long enough, try starting a cooking project with that to deal with and a two and a half year old assistant. Seriously took us almost three hours to get a loaf of bread made. Oh, but how worth it it was! And since it's not quite Fall, and I'm not quite ready to break out all things pumpkin, butternut squash and sweet potato, this recipe was the perfect hint that the season is just about to change.

Chocolate-Cherry Loaf

(adapted from Rachel Ray)

1 3/4 c. flour

1/3 c. unsweetened cocoa powder

1 1/2 tsp. baking powder

1/2 tsp. salt

1/4 tsp. baking soda

16 ounce bag of frozen, pitted cherries, thawed

3/4 c. sugar

1/2 c. sour cream

3 eggs

6 tbsp. butter, melted

2/3 c. dark chocolate chunks (optional~but not if you ask me!)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a 5x9 inch loaf pan. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, salt and baking soda.

Divide bag of cherries in half. In a medium saucepan, combine half of the whole cherries and the sugar. Using a potato masher, crush the cherries. Cook over med heat, stirring occasionally, for 15 minutes. Transfer to a large bowl and let cool. Chop the other half of cherries up and add to cooked mixture.

Whisk in the sour cream and eggs. Stir in the flour mixture. Gradually stir in the butter. Fold in the chocolate chunks.Pour the batter into the prepared pan, then bake until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean, about 55 minutes (mine took 60).

Hope you and yours are having fun sneaking into this great season, too!

Week 5

2009-09-11T06:46:00.003-07:00

Trying to slow these next few weeks down and grab what's left of summer. Feeling Fall right around the corner.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend.

One Month

2009-09-04T06:54:00.005-07:00

So many told us that before we knew it, life as four would feel as if it were our normal all along. Here's what I've been thinking about a typical day in our new normal life...

Two to four hours of sleep a night and the whacked out state of mind that I seem to drift in and out of all day long while being responsible for a toddler and newborn doesn't feel quite normal.

With my babe on my breast, spit up dried and crusty on my neck and in my hair. Theo sweaty and sticky, peanut butter and jelly fingers clasped around my neck and sticky sweetness sparkling on my just kissed cheeks. My clothes frumpy. My merchandising reports traded in for Play Doh activity packs. Cream blush and my coveted lip gloss collection taken over by nursing bras with 3 inch shoulder straps. Theo going through a phase of calling me Katie.

We eat breakfast. And then lunch (still in pajamas). I read Theo his nap time stories while Sullivan nurses. One or both loves falling asleep, I processs some of the things Theo says these days like "I love corn...all the time" and "I need to get my body closer to the counter" and my favorite "Hey Katie, Sully needs to eat".

I find myself wondering how normal it is that my two year old is infatuated with cooking shows, particularly grilling. Knows who Wolfgang Puck is.

Stuck in a quiet state of total disbelief as I hear the words come out of my mouth..we'll get some marshmallows and you can grill them...as he watches a grilling special in total draw-dropping awe about S'mores. What's normal about this mama who never would've thought she'd buy her child extra bitter dark chocolate bars (his favorite) and promising him the cavity swooning sweetness of a toasted mallow?

Before I know it it's four o'clock, Theo's outside playtime. A time of day we all look so forward to. Getting outside in the fresh air. Theo finding entertainment in someone other than me. The kids running and us adults chatting. Looking up and feeling a sense of calm and space between me and the bright blue sky. I breathe.

And this is when I meet the truth of my current life. As the bees and flies come and swarm me, trying in vain to get a taste of the sweetness that is my children territorially marked on me, I'm not sure at all that this is my normal. But it is certainly right and for the first time yet in my life, I feel complete peace.

Three Weeks & A Birth Story

2009-08-26T20:21:00.006-07:00

Another week has passed since I was last here and Sully seems to have grown so much more. He spends more time in the day (and a bit more than I care for in the middle of the night) awake, his little eyes staring into ours. He stares at Theo and loves to lay on Theo's bed and stare up at his planet mobile. Theo likes to shower him with Eskimo kisses or pinch him~a trend I think we'll see lots of over the years to come. In three short weeks, it's as if we've known this little person forever.

Sullivan's Birth....

Tuesday, August 4th, I had a few contractions during the day that were unlike Braxton Hicks contractions. I didn't think too much about them, as I'd been having them off and on for an entire week. After a few false starts (and one trip to L&D) throughout the week, I'd decided that I wasn't giving in again until I could barely walk myself out of the house. I wasn't quite sure what labor would be like without my water breaking first (that's what happened with Theo & then the contractions came) so I was edgy, wondering off and on if every painful contraction was 'it' or not.

Tuesday, late afternoon, all the kids were out front playing with water balloons. I was sitting on the sidewalk and felt a contraction coming on, slowly at first and then building. It caught my attention. About 20 minutes later I had another one. Then nothing. About an hour and a half later, I was doing dishes and felt one coming on. I had to hold on to the counter. Hmm....okay, I think this is really something. An hour later, putting Theo to bed, I had to stop two different times while reading him stories to breathe through the contractions that were now about 12 minutes apart. I then knew it was the real deal.

I was super happy that this is how it was happening. It was exactly how I hoped it would be. Labor all through the night at home with Theo sleeping and decide at sunrise what our next step would be.

By 10pm, I was still contracting every 12-15 minutes. They were easy to get through by just closing my eyes and breathing. I had a glass of white wine and sat in the living room with Eric. A couple hours later they were still 12-15 minutes apart but were getting much stronger. I got in the tub and totally relaxed. By 3am they were 7 minutes apart and strong. As I watched the sun come up, I knew I'd be going in soon. At 6am, I called my doctor and Eric's mom~I was ready to go.

Bonnie got here just as Theo was waking up. He watched me go through a few contractions and looked afraid. I told him that I was okay and it was time for the baby to come. He smiled. I was a mess inside. This moment that I had wondered about for so long was finally here~leaving my love to birth another one. Eric did a wonderful job of getting out of the house in a timely fashion (those who know him well know exactly what I'm talking about). As surreal as it was the first time, here we were again, holding hands and driving to Rose, the early morning calm just like when we went to meet Theo.

We walked up to labor & delivery and checked in. I had a few labor nurses throughout the day but my main nurse, Linda, rocked. My delivering OB (who delivers with my actual OB), another totally awesome woman, came in right after I got settled and checked me. We talked about my plan to VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). I was so psyched to be there with this birth plan. The entire team was behind me and encouraged me every step of the way.

Once we all figured out what our plan was, everyone left and Eric and I had peace and quiet. By this time my contractions were about 3-4 minutes apart. I sat on the birthing ball and worked through contractions, Adele playing softly, giving me something to focus on.

Just before 1pm, I decided I was ready for an epidural. My OB and I had decided when I got there that this would be my best option for two reasons. 1) if for any reason I had to c-sec again, it would be in place and I wouldn't have to have general anesthetic. 2) I wanted it! I learned a lot about myself after my labor with Theo and one of those things was that it's not the end of the world of all-things-women- if your body does better with pain management. And, I was ready to rest a bit. So I got it. And after I practically broke Eric's hands while getting it, once again everyone left and we turned off the lights and went to sleep (at least I did!).

An hour later they broke my water and then I went back to sleep & prayed that my body was as ready as I thought, that it wouldn't be long before I'd be able to push.

Shortly after that, the epidural kicked in too strong and I called the anesthesiologist back in to turn it down. I like some pain management but not being able to feel anything freaks me out. About 30 minutes later, the epidural under control and feeling contractions and my legs again, my OB came in to check me. Part of my VBAC plan with her was to get an internal monitor right about this time to see how strong my contractions were and to make sure that my uterus was doing great. She sat down on the bed and checked me to see how much I'd progressed since the last check. Eric was sitting on the couch, sleepy. To our surprise, she looked at me and said "You're complete" and as she said it, she hiked my leg up and said lets try a good push during your next contraction. I was soooooo happy! This is exactly what I'd hoped for. I knew my body was ready and I was so ready to finally see this babe. It was also in this moment that Eric had a 'classic Eric' moment. As he watched this and heard the words come out of her mouth, he hopped up and said in a very dazed and somewhat panicked tone "Wait! I don't understand what's going on here. Can someone please explain this to me?" The doc laughed and said "you're about to meet your baby!" Eric hopped up, rubbed his hands together excitedly and said he wasn't bored anymore.

I pushed with Linda, Eric and my OB for about 15 minutes and then the OB left. For the next 20 minutes, I pushed with just Linda and Eric. I remember at one point feeling this wave wash over me, a total recap of when I was pushing with Theo and I got scared. But for only seconds did I let myself get stuck here. I thought about all the VBAC encouragement I'd had, the group of amazing women~my doctor, massage therapist (and all of her doula advice), my neighbor who's a midwife and helped guide me through these last weeks, the amazing L&D nurses~especially Linda, and a particular friend who had a baby just after Theo via c-sec but went on to deliver VBAC the second time. I knew I could do it.

Then Linda told me to stop pushing. Eric said "Oh my God". His head had crowned. Linda walked out to get our OB and in less than two minutes they were back, the OB ready to catch our boy. She quickly prepped me and commented on how much hair our baby had! She had me reach down and feel his head, the exact encouragement I needed for the next round of contractions and pushing. And then push...out came his head. Rest. Next contraction and the rest of his body came out. I felt everything but the pain (thank you epi). Eric watched the entire birth while supporting me during pushes and I swear, I'll never forget the look he had~so much amazement and love. And just like that, Sullivan James was on my chest. Eric cut his cord and our OB was super excited with us. Linda had teary eyes. My eyes were so full of happy tears that I could barely see what he looked like at first. The team seemed so happy to have accomplished another VBAC. They tell me that so few women even attempt them which breaks my heart, for this birth wasn't meant to happen any other way.

Once Sully was born, it took about 30 minutes to clean us both up. I then ordered dinner and once again, everyone left us alone to swoon over our newbie. About two hours later, Theo and Grammy arrived. In that moment, life was as perfect as I've ever known it.

And here's my advice if you're thinking of having a VBAC. Make sure that your entire team supports your choice. Get a team! Mine was a prenatal massage therapist/doula who I saw every month of this pregnancy (Theo's too) and two times the last month to really work on getting my hips to open and relax. An amazing OB who supports VBAC and encourages it along with her entire medical team (all three on call doc's of hers are huge VBAC supporters~very important if you're OB can't be there). A L&D unit that's know for supporting it.

And if you're not comfortable at L&D to speak up and make your birthing plan known, I highly recommend taking a doula to be an advocate and voice for you.

Two Weeks

2009-08-19T12:40:00.005-07:00

Sully is two weeks old today. I feel like the newborn~ness of him has already worn off. He's awake a lot more and seems so content just hanging out with us. Theo is also doing great and seems to be enjoying being a big brother. He was so thrilled the other day when Sullivan came to his cafe for a tea party!

Sullivan loves to nurse and is gaining weight like a champ. He's an absolute sweetheart. I sure hope he's loving us as much as we're loving him!

Two Tired Boys!

2009-08-18T10:37:00.002-07:00

Sullivan has his first trip to the zoo yesterday. It was a gorgeous August afternoon, the Soper fam in tow. More pics to come........

And Now We're Four

2009-08-10T16:00:00.005-07:00

The first four days at home

Sleepy...amazed....toddler meltdowns....the tenderest of touches....grateful for grandmas......the quick remembrance of breastfeeding hunger.....wait, is Theo ten or two~how did he get so big in just a few days?.....the sweetness of friends bringing us food....oh so tired all nighters....kissing that brand new baby skin....seeing the love in Eric's eyes....Theo hugs me tighter....I love him more than I ever thought possible....seeing Theo and Sully in the car, side by side, the love in my heart expanding deeper than I ever imagined it could.....I love them so so so....life is abundant....so full...complete now.

Sweet Sullybean

2009-08-06T18:34:00.003-07:00

A few photos for now....

Sullivan James~born August 5, 2009 at 5:25pm.

Chicky's Nest

2009-07-27T20:41:00.005-07:00

Eric, Theo and I spent the better part of Saturday morning making Chicky's nest suitable for bringing him home.

As soon as I post this, I'm heading to Etsy to look for two more pieces of art to complete it. I wasn't sure how much more wall space was going to need some ompf (spelling guru's, feel free to set me straight~that looks downright wrong!). I'm still searching for a great bookshelf and I have a letter hook that I fell in love with but am waiting to hang until his name is revealed. And for the ten to fifteen of you that think it will be Jack, it's not~although that is a fantastic name!

As for me, well I'm almost positive my back is about to snap in two. My tub has become the current love of my life. But, I keep realizing that my body is preparing, babe is getting ready and each ache is one step closer....

Until then, I'm taking tonight to make my temporary parting. Here's to looking forward to the next hello with my sweet babe in tow.

Bouchees Chocolat Au Yaourt

2009-07-23T19:11:00.004-07:00

I mentioned a while back that I'm going through a love affair with reading cooking essays. They're mainly what I've been reading for the last six months. So it shouldn't come as much of a surprise that my current favorite is David Lebovitz's recent The Sweet Life In Paris.

I came across his book and this recipe from SmittenKitchen's blog. It's there that I most always go when I'm craving a sweet treat. Finding her blog was pure foodie treasure.

I'm now halfway into Lebovitz's book and for the recipes alone I'd buy it, but his witty writing brings it all together and it's fantastic. His blog is great too. It's now on my Blogs I Enjoy list.

And this just might be one of my last baking endeavors before my babe arrives. My belly now bumps the stove's control panel. While making this recipe, I managed to change the temp on my stove twice!

Chocolate Yogurt Snack Cakes

7 ounces bittersweet or semisweet chocolate, coarsely chopped

1/2 c. vegetable oil (I use canola oil)

1/2 c. plain whole-milk yogurt

1 c. sugar

3 large eggs, at room temperature

1 tsp. vanilla extract

1/2 tsp. almond extract

1 1/2 c. flour

1 1/2 tsp. baking powder

1/2 tsp. salt

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line or butter a 12 cup muffin tin.

In a heatproof bowl set over simmering water, melt the chocolate with 1/4 c. of the oil. Once melted and smooth, remove from heat.

In another bowl, mix the remaining 1/4 c. oil, yogurt, sugar, eggs, vanilla & almond extracts.

In a large bowl, whisk flour, baking powder and salt.

Make a well in the center of flour mixture and add the yogurt mixture, stiring only a few times, then add melted chocolate and stir just until smooth.

Divide the batter among muffin cups and bake for 25 minutes or until they feel barely set in the middle.

Cool & dust with powdered sugar.

* I used a mini muffin pan and adjusted the bake time to ~10-12 minutes.

I'm also really into Whole Foods 365 brand of Dark Chocolate Mini Chunks (the white chocolate chunks rock too) for baking. So good!

Pregnancy Update

2009-07-21T20:59:00.003-07:00

Today was my 37 week check. My body is working~and I'm feeling it.

This is also my first official week as a stay~at~home~mama, but I'm not ready to talk about that yet. I feel all sorts of highs and lows and totally unprepared and out of my element and like I should be really happy and my hormones are nutso so I can't make any real sense out of anything I'm feeling. See, I'd ramble for two hours~can't talk about it yet.

Back to our chicky~

He's officially making his soon-to-be presence known. His movements are so enormous and strong now that I actually feel like I have motion sickness most of the day and night. Last night it looked to Eric and I like he was doing flips and I heard a "pop". Every hair on my arm stood up and I got a prickly feeling all over, fully expecting to stand up and have amniotic fluid everywhere. Luckily, that didn't happen. In addition to his incredible womb acrobatics, he's dropped so very low. My OB's exact words today: 'Wow, his head is right here' (and if only I could translate the look on her face) as she was checking my cervix which is currently 50% effaced and 3cm dilated (for those of you who care~and for those of you who don't, sorry for TMI).

And so, it could all mean something soon ....or not. I am just happy as a clam, knowing that my body and sweet babe are working and getting ready for this most magnificent event.

Theo~27 Months

2009-07-15T18:34:00.009-07:00

This age is the most amusing I've seen Theo at yet. Every day something new happens. Just this week alone he's started combining words instead of the single words we've been used to. Of course they're totally jumbled like: outside me Mac dig dirt. And then I say: Oh, you & Mac want to go outside and dig in the dirt? Theo: Yeah good.

Today, twice, Theo came to us and said: poop me potty. Us: Oh, you want to poop on the big potty? And he did do that today, two times!

We've been wondering how things were going to go once we started bringing the baby gear out. To our total amusement the other night he put his Ellie in the Bijorn and walked around the house with her, gently rubbing her head while singing The Wheels On The Bus (which the only line he really sings is: Move on Back ~Move on Back ~Move on Back). He's also been coming up to me and lifting my shirt to talk to the baby. The tone he uses is so sweet and almost a whisper as he places both hands on my belly. And the look in his eyes when the babe kicks in response...melts my heart. I wasn't sure that we'd get to this point as up until now Theo has basically had zero interest in our chickadee.

Theo's other new highlight is his pack of pals. This group of kiddos, all new neighbors, are a sight to see. Abigail (6 years), Oliver (3 years), Theodore (2 1/4 years) and Cormac (17 months) make for one sophisticated total hoot of fun. Abby, Ollie, Theo & Mac spend most days from 4 to 5:30 hanging out out front, us parents enjoying some adult chat and getting a great laugh at the occasional thing we overhear like Ollie saying to Theo & Mac the other day:

Theo & Mac you stay right over here. I'll be right back okay. I need to get my shoes I got from REI on. Do you understand?

Good fun & so glad we came to this neighborhood. Theo is getting some much needed interaction with others, daily, without leaving home. He's totally blossoming into this amazing little dude. We took a chance on this courtyard thing, hoping this exact thing would happen~some pals for Theo, really close to home. The added bonus: some great new friendships for us. The other day as the kids were all playing and we (the grownups) were all sitting on the sidewalk, chatting and hanging out, solidified to me that we'd made the right choice to leave our old beloved hood.

Change is good. Of course Theo changing so rapidly these days is a mixed blessing. It all goes by so fast. Remember how many people told you when you were expecting your first how quickly it would all go? At the time I found it annoying to hear that. Now I totally get it. And more than ever, do I finally understand savoring every.single.moment.

Today

2009-07-07T19:54:00.003-07:00

Today was rough around the edges. Today had moments so sweet, I truly felt my heart was going to break. Today I was so tired. Today was probably the closest day to what our life is going to be like in just weeks.

For starters, I am just plain roasting and plentifully seasoned with allergies and sinus headaches. It's hot (nope, no AC at our house yet) and tack on expecting a baby in 5 weeks or less (or God help me more) and all of my emotional and physical being is practically on fire. I find the last weeks of pregnancy to be the hardest and this time I have a toddler who has to witness me at my lowest level of mamahood, like today. Well, actually I'll start with yesterday. We went to Target. After an hour and a half of shopping at a snail's pace, Theo getting less patient and irritated sitting in the cart, I then made him sit and behave while I made my way back to the magazine aisle and read US magazine, not yet ready to part with the luxury of being in an air conditioned space. He sat unusually quiet with his head down, kicking at the cart in a totally kickin' tires sort of way. Seeing him like that, at my expense, was something I hope will fade from my mind although something tells me it's going to haunt me for a while.

Now for today. Today I am officially exhausted. And when it comes to Theo I feel primal, like a mama cat who's kittens keep pawing at her and she kind of throws them off, irritable and in need of her own space. Almost always I am able to calmly and patiently deal with Theo when he's being trying. Today I was short and my voice was harsh.

At one point Theo was wanting a fort so I made him one. Then he started crying and telling me it needed a roof. I made the roof. He kept standing up and the roof would come down around his head. He began sobbing and fell into a heap on the floor, irritated that the whole thing kept collapsing and not totally understanding why. Any normal day and I would've gotten on the ground with him and calmly talked out the whole situation until we both came up with a solution that would work. Today in a not so nice tone, I told him that if he couldn't get control he was going to have to go to his room and there would be no forts for quite some time.

Sigh.

And here's where we shift gears to the happy, albeit, eye-opening part of the day.

Theo picked himself up off the floor, snot dripping off his upper lip, and walked over to me. He wrapped his arms around me and held me in the sweetest hug I think I've ever felt in my whole life. At the exact same time coming from the TV was a recording of Michael Jackson singing Human Nature. My eyes were soaked and stinging.

In that moment, I realized that for him life is a lot like that fort right now, the roof coming down around his little world that he knows and loves so much~and he doesn't even get how much that roof will be coming down around him so soon. And me, during the whole fort thing, well I was folding baby laundry and having massive acid reflux and thinking...Oh my God, this is how life is about to get for us~full of change, drunk on fatigue and hung over with little glimpses of the day getting brighter.

Our little chicky is so close to making his way into this world. And Theo is going to have to learn what I think will be his hardest most frustrating lesson yet~that he will have to share his two very best friends. And the roof might come down around us more than once while we all figure it out.

Tonight, as I sat and watched Theo eating Dibs after his cool bath and looked at the stacks of clothes for chicky on the couch, all of us wrapping up this exhausting hot summer day, I realized that I am going to bed tired and hot but full. I am full with this wondrous baby inside of me. Full of Theo in my heart. Pretty sure that I, too, will be able to share my love for Theo with our new babe and absolve myself of these rough days, for realistically I'm sure there will be more to come.

Mostly tonight, I'm understanding that my life is getting bigger.